![]() ![]() I’d lost my deadpan expression the moment I picture my son losing his penis in a vacuuming accident. “OK, don’t laugh, but one time I put my penis in the vacuum hose,” my youngest said. Hey, who was I to judge? As a teen, I’d had an amorous moment or two with my favorite bottle of perfume, Love’s Baby Soft, which, if anyone remembers, was totally shaped like a dildo. As he spoke, my younger son nodded his head emphatically. Whatever is within reach, really,” he shared. Heck, I’ll use dirty laundry if it’s there. “Let’s see, there’s good old wadded-up toilet paper, towels, even shirts. Like machine gun fire, my eldest son listed his favorite masturbation props. I was in for a surprise with their answers. Naturally, I first turned to my husband and sons to learn more. More: Labiaplasty, vodka tampons and more scary teen “trends your kids are sick of hearing about Learning about socks, and laughing my ass off watching the Bridesmaids scene where a mom describes cracking her son’s comforter, made me curious about what other means boys employ to get their (pun intended) socks off. All it took was one time grabbing a sock that was hard as a rock and I was done. I swear I won’t even touch his laundry anymore. “Socks?” I had never heard of boys sexualizing slippers. “I don’t know about condoms,” my friend Tammy said, “but I found out my son Charlie was using socks.” Oh, well, OK,” was all I managed to say.Ī week later, while out for drinks with my girlfriends, who also had teen boys, I asked if that was normal. His hesitation should have been my first clue. More: This teenage girl just got fired for speaking up about inequalityĮven as my own sons grew, I didn’t understand just how resourceful boys could be, until I questioned my then-12-year-old about why he had a giant box of condoms in his bedroom. Like, so good I would make sure to climb that pole every morning and every lunch.” But one day when I climbed something weird happened. If sitting on a real man’s knee while he absent-mindedly fondles your dick while shouting at the football match on screen makes you cum, then that’s your fault, good boi, and daddy will punish you accordingly.“At first,” he explained, “I just climbed because I liked to see how fast I could get to the top. Daddy won’t put you in chastity, but that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to cum. The me will grab your little hard cock and laugh as you wince in pleasure and discomfort. He and the rest of the men like to see how hard and dripping you get being treated like an object. A good boi’s success is measured in how many gropes, pats, spanks, lude comments and outright bodily invasions the men give him. Hopefully that won’t happen, but the temptation, the titillation, the thought should occur to every alpha in the room.ĭaddy’s having a party tonight, and you’re gonna be part of the entertainment. The way he holds himself, the way he dresses, the way he behaves - a good boi should always be at risk of rape. Everything must be kept tight, lean and smooth. He’s not doing all this for nothing, you know.Ī good boi should build a body that immediately makes all men want to fuck him. The trainer will happily bust a load on the fuckmeat’s face though. This hole is making some serious ass gainz… but not serious enough. Nothing makes a self-hating gayboi squat the shit out of his legs like the promise of being used as disposable fuckmeat by a “straight” man. His motivation? He refuses to fuck a client until he’s reached minimum levels of ass. He wants his gaybois to be thicc and fuckable where it counts. Upper body strength on a homo is about as useful as on a woman. His gay workouts are entirely leg-focused. He brings out the “natural” bottom in every queer. He believes there’s no such thing as a gay top, and any gay who calls himself that is just lying to himself. He’s actually a viscious, homophobic closet bicurious heteroflexible whatever the fuck. Which means becoming a good piece of fuckmeat. A discreet, open-minded straight guy who wants to see gay men become their best selves. Your trainer specializes in helping gay men put on muscle. CW: Homophobia, gay-as-bottom, bottom shaming ![]()
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